This is what my life is like after getting mental help


in 2007 I was diagnosed with Bipolar. The meds they gave me were wrong for me and I gave up on them for nearly a decade. In 2017 I went back and tried again.

There are no words for the difference and transformation I went through. Before I was a half a person where now I am almost whole. Sometimes I like to think of the bipolar like a black sluge stuck inside my head and the medicine.

It is not perfect but its 70 percent better. It is always going to be there like a dark passenger, the meds just gave me the tools to fight.

I currently take Zoloft, lithium and hydroxozyn with very little side effects. Because I am ridiculously lucky I found the right combination on the third try.


The meds turn down the volume on all the bad emotions. And one of the worst emotions I have ever felt was worthless. I remember think at the chart of me taking meds, don’t get fooled it will come back. Now it has been two and a half years and I have never felt that pit of darkness since.

I don’t have a desire to drink anymore. I have the occasional drink on my birthday and New Years eve. But I just don’t care to get f**Ked up anymore. I drank more than I care to admit in my younger days. And during that time the thought of quitting drinking was like death to me. I was trying to make myself a whole person with alcohol.

I smile more and cry less. My life doesn’t feel like a mess. lol I did not mean for that to rhyme.

I got so lucky today at my doctors appoinment

Today I took a 60$ lyft ride to a doctor’s appointment with an MHMR psychiatrist. I thought I would get put on the medication today but I had to have another screening to make sure I qualify. The lucky part is that I was moved to a new location that is so close to me and instead of having to wait months to get an appointment, I get to go on friday. This might actually be another screening where they ask me a million questions and that is no fun. But I am getting close and it is a small price to pay for free medical help that I need.

Check out my post- I am getting mental help

I am getting Mental help

Almost ten years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I took the meds for a little more than a year but I stopped taking them because they changed them up after my dad killed himself. It was not the right combination and I hallucinated. But now I am ready to try again because I don’t want to be sad anymore. And it has been ten years of medicine testing and advancements in technology.

I am such a positive person that most days I can force myself to be happy but some days this darkness attacks my heart. I don’t want to take the road my dad did, I want to fight.

I don’t feel weak for getting help, I feel strong for not giving up. I held down a job for ten years and that is something to be proud of for a bipolar person. This is a sensitive subject for me, I have tried to hide it and never speak of it.This blog post was not easy to write. I have denied it to my core for years but you can’t run forever.

It is time to get help. I assume I will be taking 12 pills a day and having crazy side affects but I know it will be worth it and I know my dad would be proud of me.